Note to Self

Note to self

don't stay up too late tonight

don’t stare at the thin black cracks on the ceiling for hours

waiting for something profound to crawl out and spin its silk

don’t act like life is something that happens to you

if you only hold your eyes wide enough

Note to self

Buy duct tape and toothpicks

maybe you’ll catch it if you’re quick

maybe don’t blink

maybe meaning will sink through red raw skin pinch

buy moisturiser

Note to self

download another list app

this one better than the last

if you can only categorise these pastas pencils palpitations fast enough

you can block out a neat half-hour to relax

Note to self

enjoy the little things

you never know how long they’ll last

why not rank every place you’ve ever been

from the dirty joy of New York street

to monsoon Saigon flash flood flash

drive a digital dust footprint

moon permanent

a chalkboard reminder

you existed once

you can again

Note to self

3:00-4:00pm – Exist                                                   (don’t push this one back again)

Note to self

take some time to consider the possible problematic implications of still being a Buffy fan

Note to self

write down every episode of TV you watched this year or you’ll FORGET EVERYTHING!

don't step on the cracks

check your pocket for a mask

okay, good.

check again

                             check again

.

.

.

                                                                                       and again and again and again and again and a…

Note to self

please keep opening the list app 50 times a day, then abjectly refuse to the second you step into the supermarket and come away with nothing you actually needed

please don’t stop

please that shit’s fucking hilarious

Note to self

you’re so organised

you’re so good at painting a picture of who you wish you were

then beating yourself senseless with it

3:00-4:00pm – practice taking compliments                                     (only slot there was, I’m afraid)

Note to self

consider taking a longer break

step into a cycle of self-care then grinding to compensate

we all need rest days

we all need to colour code our clothes

and align our hangers the same way

and finally finish that game

and abandon a favourite podcast because we fell one episode behind

and now there’s just        too          much                 pressure

and curl into a ball

and feel bad for only using the front-left burner

it must be so burnt out

and feel the long-spurned pull of sleep

and I should probably change these sheets right now

and catalogue every under 25 who’s more successful than me

and see if there’s a name for that quiet suffocated panic when you can’t get the duvet in the appropriate corners

and stare up at the thin black cracks

as the clock venom ticks

and bust out the tooth picks

the duct tape

because there’s something you need to write down